I happened to catch a few episodes of “How I Met Your Mother” tonight, specifically featuring some epic one-liners from Barney Stinson aka Neil Patrick Harris. If you’re unfamiliar with the show, Barney Stinson is the most Bro TV character in recent memory, fully demonstrated by his hilarious quotes from the Official Barney Stinson Bro Code Book. What is the Barney Stinson Bro Code you ask? The most legendary rules to live by for any man with an ounce of testosterone. To celebrate all that is good in the world of man, I present to you, the most epic rules of the Barney Stinson Bro Code. Enjoy and let them guide you as the North Star once guided to great explorers of centuries ago. Yet, instead of guiding you to the riches of America like the North Star, let Barney Stinson’s Bro Code guide you to a world of manly, wholesome, awesomeness. Suit up!
Bros before hoes. Always remember, girlfriends come and go, but your boys are always there. Breaking this rule is to commit the cardinal sin against Team Testosterone.
Never drink the last beer, unless you’ve been granted specific permission that it’s OK.
If you go the bar with your buddies, you must buy a round of drinks at least once. The Bro with the better paying job is required to buy the first round. If the other Bro is temporarily out of money or left his wallet at home drinks can be lended yet in the long run these drinks must be repaid, later that night by wingman services or any other act of entertainment or at the next gathering.
Always allow a buffer zone at urinals and on couches.
Never share a bed with a guy, unless there’s no way around it.
In a 6 person hot tub, there should be a maximum of 3 guys.
A Bro should not watch Oxygen, Womens Entertainment, or Lifetime.
A Bro should never say “it’s to die for”
A Bro should not wear crocs.
All of these rules and more are available in Barney Stinson’s ridiculously funny books: “The Bro Code“, “Playbook: Suit Up, Score Chicks, Be Awesome” and “Bro on the Go“. You can also wear the same Suitjamas as Barney Stinson to Suit Up every night before bed.
A Bro will, whenever possible, provide his Bro with protection. In the event that one Bro finds himself lacking the necessary prophylactic accoutrements needed to complete the act of coitus in a safe and effective manner, he is in the right to expect his Bro will use all measures within or without his means to provide the aforementioned prophylactic in a timely yet discreet fashion. When a Bro signals his need using previously agreed upon code words and/or body signage, it is understood that his Bro will discontinue all present activity [excepting the act of coitus itself [whereby which Bro vows to finish as quickly as possible]], in order to respond with a panoply of options at Bro-in-need’s location. A Bro must patronize the most rapid method of transportation available while endeavoring to assist his Bro. In no instance may a two-wheeled bicycle be used* as this is not only humiliating, but also potentially harmful to the perineum – a zone of tissue perilously adjacent to noted sexual organs. In the event that a state, federal, international, or galactic law is breached due to recklessness, unacceptable levels of speed, and/or the hijacking of an airborne vehicle(s), it is understood that the primary Bro will shoulder any associated legal fees or fines. However, any costs or damages incurred from the use of public transportation are the responsibility of the secondary Bro alone as this is an instance of Quid Pro Bro. Upon arrival at the primary Bro’s location, the secondary Bro must exercise complete discretion so as not to disrupt the primary Bro’s “flow.” It is understood that a Bro will engage in all training necessary to achieve this objective, including, at minimum, a five month Ninjitsu curriculum mastering the twin arts of stealth and secrecy.** Once the primary Bro has been supplied with the necessary prophylactic(s), the Brocedure is deemed complete upon exchange of the traditional, though in this case silent, “high five.” Tacit in this unspoken ritual is the understanding that said episode will never be spoken of again, unless it’s part of an awesome story. * Unless a bicycle is the ONLY form of transportation, as in some Cambodian villages **
If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than “that sucks, Bro” and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary – deserved or not – regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.
Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing , another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.
Two men should not share an umbrella.
A Bro may never seek entertainment from professional women’s sports. Unless said entertainment be comedic or physical e.g. gymnastics, beach volleyball
If any bros acts out of line and defies any bros code during a multiple bros conversation with any number of girls, the other bros have the right to tell any humiliating stories and facts about said bros for the purpose of ruining said bros chances with the girl(s).
We’re now giving away a FREE Barney Stinson “Bro Code” book once a month. All you have to do is sign up to the newsletter below and you’ll be entered to win the book for free. We’ll be giving away one every month to spread the manliness and bro-ness that is… Barney Stinson!
There you have it, some of the best Barney Stinson Bro Code rules in the book and a FREE chance to win the book. Use them as a guide when conducting your daily functions and never stray from the word of the ultimate bro. I’ll leave you off with this, a video of Barney Stinson’s greatest quotes. Peace out my Bro friends and SUIT UP!
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